*This article contains mature subject matter involving relationships and sexuality. If these topics offend you, please leave this page and check out some of the other great articles on Newsvine.

You think you know someone pretty well, but suddenly in a casual conversation they drop the p-word. "I should probably tell you I'm a polyamorist." ...Who the what now??? When someone reveals to you that they're poly, it should be the start of a long and interesting conversation. You should feel privileged as well, because they obviously trust you enough to confide such a personal detail of their lives. Unfortunately, polyamorism itself can be hard to explain, because there are few concrete descriptions of the subject. To make matters worse, there are as many versions and flavors of polyamorism as there are people who practice it. Ultimately, each person has different comfort levels and expectations when it comes to these unique relationships, and all this makes for a very interesting topic. (keep in mind that the picture below is NOT your typical polyamorous relationship)

When someone tells you they are poly, ideally your next question should be "and what exactly does that mean?" It's important to resist the temptation to jump to quick conclusions, because a given poly's attitudes and practices may be very different from what you expect. Whether you've never heard of polyamorism before, or are slightly curious about what it has to offer, this guide is a great starting source. I'm not sure I can speak for every person out there as I go into detail, but I can give you a glimpse into the lives of polyamorists, and hopefully clear up some confusion.

It's surprising that so few people know about polyamorism. Suffice it to say that its philosophy is by no means mainstream, but it goes a little like this: a person simply has more than one love interest at a time, and everyone involved is okay with it. When non-poly people fall in love with another person, they subscribe to the ideology of exclusivity. This means that they want their lover to be with them and no one else, and (hopefully) they plan on staying just as "true" themselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, in fact, its kind of cute. But people in monogamous relationships would normally become hurt or jealous if they witnessed their partner engaging in flirtations or romantic acts with anyone else. To them, any kind of outside romance is a threat to their relationship. However, polyamorists don't find themselves in the same situations. They're quite capable of loving more than one person at a time. This kind of mindset can seem quite bizarre or strange. But imagine being asked to choose which parent you loved more than the other, or which sibling, or which friend...sometimes the question is simply unanswerable, you simply like them both. While most lovers would be put off if their partner admitted to having feelings for another person, the polyamorist would likely welcome the idea. And just in case love is too strong a word to fathom, imagine that polyamorists are simply "attracted" to more than one person at a time. But how exactly do these kinds of relationships work? Before I can go into that, I think I should get a few misconceptions out of the way.

What Polyamorism is not...
Polyamorism is NOT necessarily the same as polygamy. The latter term is strictly for defining a certain type of marriage arrangement. There are many polyamorists out there that are ultimately committed to a single person, or completely uninterested in the idea of marriage. Polygamy refers to a specific type of polyamorism (See more in the section titled: Casual or committed?)
Polyamorism has nothing to do with sexual orientation. A poly person may be straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, transexual, or whatever. Again, it says nothing about which gender you are interested in, only that you may be interested in more than one person at a time.
Polyamorism does NOT necessarily mean a person is just horny and wants to go out and hump everything they see. They still may have morals, restrictions, and various levels comfort levels of what they will, and will not allow in their relationships.
Polyamorists are NOT necessarily sociopaths who have no feelings and are only interested in sex. Emotions often get involved, and this can be both problematic and beautiful
Keys for a successful Poly relationship
How exactly does this stuff work anyway? If I can say it without sounding too preachy...it all starts with having good values. Its funny how these can seem remarkably similar to the ideals of a good monogamous relationship, but with polyamorism they become exceedingly important for anyone involved to adhere to. Different values may find different levels of importance depending on the person, but in general they are:

Communication - is a MUST, because even two poly people may have extremely different expectations when they consider forming a relationship. Is it okay to develop feelings for other people? Do you have to approve of my love interests before I go after them? Is only flirting and kissing okay or can I go farther? These are all things to consider and talk about BEFORE entering into a poly relationship. The potential for drama and jealousy are admittedly high, and because we'd all love to avoid heartbreak, simply talking to another person can avoid all that bad stuff from ever happening.
Trust - is enormously important in a poly relationship. The people involved may still agree on boundaries and limits to what is acceptable (or not). Respecting these boundaries and trusting your partner to do the same will keep your relationship free of jealousy and drama...sweet!
Loyalty - Polyamorous people are people too, they can sometimes develop insecurities and think, "Do they still really like me? Do they prefer others?" Some polyamorous relationships may rely a certain amount of commitment between two or more people (see section: Casual or Committed?) In these instances, it is important that partners remind each other, in any number of ways, that they belong to each other at the end of the day.
Honesty - lying to the ones you love never gets you anywhere good. And manipulating people with lies is downright dangerous. Life's more fun when people's feelings don't get hurt for stupid reasons.
So now that we're past the obvious stuff and you've got a pretty good handle on the basics of polyamorism, now's as good a time as ever to get acquainted with the various flavors that it comes in. Keep in mind that each idea here is presented as two opposite ends of a spectrum, a sort of dichotomy. While it can definitely be an either/or situation, often there is a blending of possibilities in between.

Selfless or Selfish?
At the very core of a relationship and perhaps the most important trait of all, lies a person's real reasons for wanting to be in a polyamorous relationship. The particular pseudo-dichotomy drawn here rests on the distinction for being selfless and selfish about polyamorism.

Selfless polyamorists - find the idea of "ownership" over their partner's actions undesirable. When they develop a love interest, they think that this person should be able to branch out and be able to experience new opportunities when they arise. (and by opportunities I mean other people) Whether this means allowing their lover to go on dates or have intimate encounters with others, they permit such actions because they simply want their partner to be happy, to grow and become better lovers, hopefully reciprocating such actions back towards them. Loyalty is an extremely, extremely important trait that they desire in potential matches, because by permitting their partner such freedoms it is certainly possible that they could be walked all over. They may expect their love interest(s) to permit them the same kinds of freedoms, or they may not.
Selfish polyamorists are more interested in controlling their own destinies when it comes to relationships. They may be more interested in the physical side of relationships rather than the emotional side. Being selfish isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just means they know what they want and they're not afraid to go get it. As always, its probably better if these types are up front and honest about their intentions before getting involved. Commitment may still be important to them, but more often than not they are interested in casual relationships with no strings attached.

Casual or Committed?
The dynamics of a polyamorous relationship become more complex when two or more people decide to become committed to each other. Keeping any kind of polyamorous relationship steady is no cakewalk. As always, those with stronger values tend to be more stable.

Casual polyamorous relationships -are usually for the short term, and more based on attraction and physical relationships. They may be as innocent as wanting partners to go out on dates with, or as involved as "@!$%# buddies." The people in these types of relationships usually exercise less control over their partners, and some of the people involved may not even be interested in each other or see each other, as is with characteristic V, N, or W-shaped relationships. Loyalty may not be as important here. Being open, honest, and making sure everyone involved is okay with the situation will usually ensure that its a fun time for all.
Committed polyamorous relationships - mean that at least two people are loyal to each other. Typically, this type of situation involves a couple who is receptive to the idea of allowing other people into the relationship from time to time. These "outside contacts" may be complete strangers, or old friends. A partner may require approval before they let their lover become involved with anyone else, or they may let their lover roam free. Alternatively a committed relationship may involve a true "triad" where three people are have all agreed to be equally committed to each other. Stranger still, commitment may be found between two couples or more couples that become involved with one another. Theoretically any kind of arrangement is possible, but loyalty is typically key here, as well as trust. There are significant challenges as well when an odd number of people are involved, and extra steps may need to be taken to ensure that no one feels like they're the third wheel.

Open or closed?
This facet of a relationship is fairly straightforward.

Open relationships refer to situations where everyone involved is comfortable with letting outsiders in. For instance, a couple may seek a third person to go out on dates or have a threesome with. One lover might allow their partner to do whatever they wish with whoever they wish. Or a triad might be receptive to the idea of letting outsiders in occasionally. The possibilities are literally endless, but being open presents hurdles for everyone. Its important to be up front with outsiders with what they're getting into, whether its a regular or one time thing for them. If sex is involved, the topic of STDs and how to be safe should be discussed as well. In general, open relationships are more common when one or more people can't see each other on a regular basis, but its not unheard of for a poly person to simply like the occasional hookup with a stranger, even when they're committed to someone else. As long as everyone is comfortable with the situation...no harm no foul.
If you're in a closed relationship with someone else, welcome to the world of monogamy. But it may be possible that a triad, 2 or more couples, or a group of people decide to remain exclusive to one another and no one else. (and in some ways this saves them from many of the problems of being in open relationships) That's pretty much all there is to it.

Communal or Private?
Polyamorism can be a touchy subject between some people, or an arousing subject for others...the distinction drawn here highlights the difference between what the members of polyamorous relationships want to do with each other.

In a communal polyamorous relationship, members are typically open with their affairs. Three or more people may want to go out on a date together, or have a threesome or foursome. These activities may not always be open, occasionally two people may pair off and do their thing. The gist of the situation is that when a person sees their lover acting flirtatiously or romantically with someone else, they don't get jealous. Activities are often more focused around the group rather than a pair of people.
Private polyamorous relationships focus more on the interactions between two people at a time. A lover may allow their partner to be with other people, but still want nothing to do with it, or even see or know about it. Such apathy is astonishing, but it happens. A lover may know about or even meet their partner's other romantic interests, but not be involved with them at the same level. More often than not, these types of people enjoy some good 'ol alone time to do whatever they want while their parter is out and about. Trust is absolutely essential in these cases, and everyone involved should be perfectly comfortable with what is going on before it happens. The last thing you want to do is have reason to doubt your lover.

Emotional or Physical?
This is an extremely important aspect that can ensure the stability of a polyamorous relationship. It highlights the degree of affection that polyamorous people allow their partners to engage in with others.

If a poly person allows emotional encounters, it means that they don't mind their partner forming emotional bonds with other people. As you can imagine, loyalty is absolutely key. Often these additional lovers are well trusted by everyone in involved. The danger with allowing such a freedom is that there is always the off chance that a partner will end up liking someone else even more. Its really up to the partner in this case to balance out their own affairs so that they don't make anyone feel isolated or cut off. And sometimes? maybe there is such a thing as having too many love interests. Knowing the extent to which they can "spread themselves out" is important. No pun intended.
If a poly person only allows for their partner to have physical encounters, then they consider anything beyond it a form of emotional cheating. Usually this applies to outside strangers. For instance, a poly in a committed relationship may allow their partner to have intimate encounters, but only if no feelings are involved. Easier said than done, but its still possible for some people to have no strings attached encounters.

In the end, life ain't perfect
When two poly people meet each other, its far from a match made in heaven. They may have entirely different ideas about what they want. Some people prefer short term polyamorous engagements. The idea may sound fun and interesting to them while they're still young and dating, but later on they might want to settle down with one person. Some couples may already be in committed relationships and want to entertain the idea of short term encounters.
Polyamorous relationships go outside the norms where situations that are often considered "cheating" or "hurtful" are in fact quite acceptable. This is made possible by the fact that everyone involved is perfectly comfortable with what happens. I really hope I've said that enough by now! Whether a guy is letting his girlfriend go and dance with other dudes on the floor, or a girl is begging her boy to join her in a threesome with this really hot chick she knows, or a triad is cozying up to go to bed...polyamorism can lead to some interesting and extremely rewarding situations that sound appealing to everyone involved.
That being said, life ain't perfect. Jealousy, drama, fights, feeling left out, and getting hurt are very real possibilities as people cross lines or do things that their partner(s) are uncomfortable with. Often times, poly relationships simply don't work for the same reasons that monogamous relationships fail: incompatible people. If you thought it was hard to maintain a relationship with one person, can you imagine two or more? Clearly its not for everyone, but in the end life is messy, surprising, and you may find yourself presented with unique opportunities.

Can monogamy-minded and polamory-minded people even date each other?
The simple answer is, why the hell not? Just because a person may be open to the idea of polyamory, doesn't mean that they absolutely require it to be happy. They may still be perfectly capable of enjoying a relationship with another person, and remaining faithful and loyal to them alone. Monogamous relationships can be a beautiful and enjoyable aspect of life, but some people can find themselves comfortable with a little bit more. Hopefully by now you've gotten a much clearer picture of polyamorism! Feel free to comment if you have any further ideas/questions to pose.

Rebecca Pointer's four-year-old daughter raised some eyebrows when she recently drew her family tree at playschool.

Pointer and her husband are polyamorous — and have for the past two years shared their home in the Cape seaside suburb of Muizenberg with another man, the father of Pointer's eight-month-old son.

Men may spend infinitely more of their waking time thinking about sex than women, but both genders dream about the subject in equal measure once the lights are out, according to a study released Thursday.

That surprising finding comes from a small Canadian study and flies in the face of previous research that suggested the gentler sex has far fewer erotic dreams than the male of the species.

But that's where the similarities end. For the most part, male and female sex fantasies, even in the land of nod, tend to conform to gender stereotypes, the author of the study said.

Ray interviewed more than 80 women, a wide selection of bloggers, chatters, daters, models, geeks and non-geeks. What she found is perhaps not all that surprising but you won't hear it on the evening news: Women have wide-ranging sexual interests and are savvy enough to figure out how to harness technology to pursue our erotic desires -- and occasionally make some money doing it.

How do you handle love, sex, romance, heartbreak, jealousy, hurt, unrequited longing, crushes, loneliness and twitterpation when you're 18 months away from Earth and perhaps unsure whether you'll make it back?

A controversial South African invention, a female condom-like anti-rape device, is almost ready to hit the market after months of waiting for patent verification.

The device, known as Rapex, has stirred controversy around the world but its inventor, Sonnet Ehlers, is preparing the final pre-production phase after seven years of waiting.

The controversy has raged over whether the device, which has fish-like teeth that attach to the head and shaft of the penis, is a medieval device built on a hatred of men or whether it is an easy-to-use invention that could free millions of South African women from fear of rape.

The proliferation of sexualized images of girls and young women in advertising, merchandising, and media is harming girls' self-image and healthy development. This report explores the cognitive and emotional consequences, consequences for mental and physical health, and impact on development of a healthy sexual self-image.

"I feel trapped... my mind is crisscrossing... I am neither embarrassed nor traumatised. But I have a feeling of being incomplete" — this is what Subhash (name changed) wrote in his declaration to doctors at Lok Nayak Hospital. He underwent a sex-change surgery and is now called Kajri (changed). He was lucky.

Rebecca Chiao, a spokesperson for the Egyptian Center for Women's Rights, outlined a campaign to stop sexual harassment, involving media and public outreach, lobbying for new laws and penalties, and an educational film for primary school children. "The Street is Ours" has garnered unprecedented public support, suggesting women's concern about being pressured into remaining at home when their economic and other civic contributions are most desperately needed.

Despite the state's official stance of fostering women's participation in development, the ECWR affirms that sexual harassment has become "an official tool of intimidation." The ECWR cites the abuse of Sinai women at the hands of police interrogators following the 2004 terrorist attacks, and the intimidation of women voters at the 2005 election polls.

"None," the police officer in charge reported to my student.

That was the answer to how many instances of rape of males and boys had been reported in the city (it happened to be Boston, where I was teaching at the time) in the previous year.

My student was incredulous. He knew of more than one. None was simply not a plausible answer. What was going on?

A comprehensive education on sexuality in the form of ABCD – Abstinence, Be faithful, Condomise and Don't do drugs – may very well instil responsibility, but many still argue that the "condomise" aspect of it should not be encouraged. Some believe it may encourage earlier sexual activity, so it should be excluded completely. However, there is much more to ABCD than condomisation, Francesca Vella finds.

If you have one chance to convince an undecided Independent or a Republican to vote Democratic this year, I'd like to suggest the following:

The Bush administration would like to spend your taxpayer dollars on convincing unmarried men and women not to have sex before age 30.

Yes, Abstinence Only--if it's good for the 'tweens, it's great for the twenty-somethings.

Australia's senior Muslim cleric Sheik Taj Aldin al-Hilali has apologised for any offence caused by his comments that immodestly dressed women provoke sexual attacks.

The Australian reported today that, in a sermon delivered last month, Sheik al-Hilali likened scantily clad women to uncovered meat eaten by animals.

"I unreservedly apologise to any woman who is offended by my comments," he said in a statement today."

I had only intended to protect women's honour, something lost in The Australian presentation of my talk."

Australia's most senior Muslim cleric has prompted an uproar by saying that some women are attracting sexual assault by the way they dress.

In a sermon, Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali said that women who did not wear a hijab (head dress) were like "uncovered meat".

It stands to reason that some Christians already know all about adult products while others secretly long to know more but don't know who to ask.

Those are the customers that Book22 seeks to attract. Book22, named for the twenty-second book in the Bible, "Song of Solomon," is a new adult novelty store positioning itself as a Christian source of intimacy products for married couples.

How does our online sexual journey influence our offline one? Is it fair to divide the two? Internet experiences are part of our overall sexual development, for sure.

Can attraction between partners in an idealized, imaginary space transcend such mundanities as average bodies and crooked teeth when you meet in person? It has for me, many times.

From the page:

-- A sex scandal has erupted at a Queensland Catholic school implicating female students as young as 12.The school, which cannot be identified for legal reasons, has been rocked by claims that female students were pinned down and "turkey slapped" - hit with an exposed penis - and female students had sex with their male peers for successfully performing dares. --

From the page:

-- No-strings, guilt-free sex with strangers - it's not the kind of Saturday-night entertainment you often hear discussed in the office on Monday morning. So it may come as a surprise that as many as 1.5m British couples have admitted to trying it. --

From the page:

-- The Socialist Republic of Vietnam is preparing to launch the first-ever sex education website for its citizens, according to English-language news agency Viet Nam News. Due to deep-seated cultural taboos on talking about sex and a hard-line communist government, anything remotely sexual in nature has been banned from Vietnamese media and Internet use—until now. --

From the page:

-- They're really just a simple casing with an unbalanced drive shaft and a motor, but for such an unassuming device, the vibrator has some tremendous taboos associated with it. Most of these prejudices hinge on packaging and purpose– the vibrator in a pager is the same basic device as its stimulating and lurid cousin, but suffers no stigma. But perhaps our society has its taboos misplaced– after all, the pager uses its mechanical oscillations for the questionable purpose of distracting drivers on high-speed motorways, whereas the "vibrator" was originally designed for a noble medical purpose: the treatment of hysteria. --

From the page:

-- With her braided hair coming out from the side of her head and her long legs revealing years of bruises and scars, Jane Eloy made her way down the runway at a Copacabana Beach hotel last week with an enormous grin.

After years of working as a prostitute on this city's meanest streets, Eloy, 31, was showing off brightly colored skirts, G-strings and other clothes that she and about a dozen of her colleagues had designed for the fashion line Daspu. --

From the page:

-- Teenage girls who get pregnant are deliberately "planning" to become mothers in the belief that a baby will improve the quality of their lives.

An extensive study published today reveals that girls as young as 13 are making a "career choice" by deciding to have children, since they see parenting as preferable to working in a dead-end job. --

-- If you think about it, sex is weird. We have two people engaging in the pursuit of tension release by sticking something somewhere and vigorously, or not so vigorously, moving. When you add to this odd mental picture, the plethora of heights, weights and degrees of flexibility -- without breaking any physical limits or laws of physics -- it is astounding what the human body can do.

Great sex is about more than body types -- it's also about being individual, personal and unique. Your physical shape, your height and your flexibility are all factors that you may think limit your sexual antics. Here's a quickie cheat sheet of sexual positions for these important considerations for good sex. --

From the page:

-- Whispers follow her like so many eyes.

She is the one who will go home with you, the sure bet, the kind of girl you can lie down with and then walk all over. She is ogled, envied and often ostracized.

She is the slut. --

From the page:

-- The men are young, gorgeous and up for it. No wonder Western women see a Third World holiday as the gateway to casual sex - sometimes in exchange for cash. But as a new film highlights female sex tourism, Liz Hoggard asks who really pays the price. --

From the page:

-- So, album of the year for that title alone; but just how relevant or revolutionary is Peaches in 2006? Aren't we all relaxed about sex and sexual politics these days? Well, maybe people are in places as gleefully filthy as Peaches' adopted Berlin. But, in Britain? No way. This is still uptight, immature, hypocrite-central; a country where 'gay' is a by-word for 'lame', where the tits-out tabloids work themselves into a frenzy of moral indignation over racey photos of Mrs McCartney-Mills and where John Prescott and Jordan are publicly vilified for having a sex life. Clearly, we need Peaches' message that sexuality is fluid and sex itself is ridiculous, hilarious fun more than ever. --

From the page:

-- Sexually charged words that stimulate the imagination are infinitely more arousing than any one-size-fits-all porno mag or movie. Whether it is the stream-of-consciousness passion of Anais Nin's writing, the post-modern sexuality of The Story of O or a schmaltzy Mills & Boon, a well-written sex scene can stimulate mind and body and doesn't exploit anyone in the process. We resent anyone - male or female - telling us what's sexy, and hipster girls' take on sex is as prescriptive as any lads' mag, even if it is wrapped in girlie packaging. They have appropriated men's language and imagery to find a medium of sexual expression, but it didn't work when Playboy became Playgirl, and, for us, it still doesn't. We'll stick to our well-thumbed "Regency romps' and let our imaginations do the work... rather than a strange, hairy man in a magazine. --

From the page:

-- But we should be grateful for Ms Curtis-Thomas for reopening an important debate about what exactly is obscene, which has been silenced by a wilful conflating by the porn industry of sexual liberation and exploitation. The girls of Nuts and Zoo may keep their pants on but porn is not just about human orifices, it's about holes in our thinking. --

From the page:

-- Her thesis, in any case, is not about pornography. "It's about what's happening in movies, magazines and advertising," she says, "and how porn, which is not such a big deal in itself, is seeping into everything else." --

From the page:

-- Casual sex among young people has been the norm for the last 30 years but what's different now is the pressure to conform to this, which is sad given that feminism was always about choice. --

From the page:

-- Germaine Greer, who called in the Sixties for women to express their sexuality, says that pole dancing, breast implants and raunch culture are destructive, not liberating. --

From the page:

-- Know your terms. Sex is whether someone is XY or XX- male or female. Gender is masculinity or femininity. Gender role is how you present your masculinity or femininity to society. Gender identity is your inner idea of who you are. Sexual identity is who you want to be with. I think a large part of society sees anything sexually different and automatically assumes that the person is gay, when this is not at all the case. Also, what is masculine or feminine is determined by society. --

From the page:

-- A story is quickly spreading around the Web about a Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation-funded project that awards Indian prostitutes who get routine health checkups with smart cards for hotel and shop discounts. --

-- Sexuality is still a taboo topic in many societies - and the taboo is even greater for people with disabilities.

"Parents and relatives believe that a woman with disability should not engage in sex", says Gladys Charowa, founder member and Executive Director of Disabled Women Support Organisation (DWSO), a single mother who has been living with disability since injuring her spinal cord in a car accident in 2001.

It is not quite so bad for disabled men, she points out: "They can easily find a partner and marry through assistance from relatives. Women are being denied this right by parents and relatives."

As a result, some sleep with any man, to get away from their parents. Others are taken advantage of by men, playing on the women's need to be wanted and loved. Many are raped precisely because of their vulnerability: their disability may make it difficult for them to get away or fight off attackers or, in the case of mental impairment, to understand what is happening. Ugandan disability activist Patrick Kirumira cites the case of a blind primary school pupil in the country's Luwero district who was raped by two "boda-boda" (motorcycle taxi) boys and became pregnant. They may have gambled on her inability to identify them.

All this is bad enough, but unfortunately, is just the surface of the problem. Indian disability activist Kuhu Das says that research shows that almost 90 per cent of disabled women experience sexual abuse, exploitation and violence from the very people who are supposed to be helping them - care-givers, close relatives and family members.

Sexual partners are also often abusive. Kirumira says that because people with disability feel they have fewer chances of a relationship, they tend to stay with a partner even if he is violent or takes many other partners. A Save the Children Fund survey in Uganda and Rwanda found that young disabled people felt they were less likely to have a faithful partner than their non-disabled peers, and "many felt they should be grateful" to non-disabled partners. --

-- Mark Cummings' personality hasn't changed in the last three years - even though his gender has.

The same people who saw him as a tough ''butch'' Latina lesbian when he was known as Maritza Perdomo now see him as a ''sensitive'' heterosexual Cuban man.

''Too tough as a woman, too gentle as a man - society is crazy,'' mused Cummings, 41, who underwent a painful sex change operation in 2003.

He went from female to male - having his breasts and internal reproductive organs removed - and was able to legally marry Violet, his long-time girlfriend.

Cummings also runs a thriving fitness gym/beauty salon in Hollywood, Fla., called, ironically, Bodies Under Construction.

But it was only recently that Cummings decided to come out as a transgendered person.

"I thought I would lose my business, my clients, my friends and expose myself and my wife to violence,'' said Cummings. "The opposite has happened. I have been embraced by everyone. No one has turned their back on me."

Cummings had three reasons for talking about his experiences: He was not ashamed. He refused to live in fear. And he wanted to serve as a role model for people who know they are men trapped in female bodies.

Unlike their newly-minted female counterparts, former women who have become men do not have pioneer role models. In 1952 Christine Jorgensen created a media sensation as the first former man to come out as a woman.

And in 1975 Dr. Renee Richards, made international headlines for successfully suing the United States Tennis Association when it barred the former man from competing in the U.S. Women's Open.

But women who become men are not as common - which is why Cummings feels compelled to take a lead role.

Now that he is the man he always knew he was, Cummings feels - for the first time in his life - happy and free. --

Born on June 18th 1969 as the first child in an average normal family, except for the illiterate, abusive father, and the dutiful mother, sacrificing her own life for her children, including that lousy excuse for a husband, all because she made the mistake of marrying him, and because she strongly believes in living with the consequences of one's actions, Irma spent the first 17 years of her life in the small town of Bergen op Zoom in the Netherlands.

Being able to read at age 3, she later on became an avid reader, and having read just about everything the local library had to offer at age 10, she started nagging her mother to bring her to the main library at the other side of town every few days.

She never liked being a girl, and could even be seen praying at night for God to turn her into a boy overnight, always being disappointed if such obviously wasn't the case the next morning. She drove the Catholic nuns at kindergarten crazy by refusing to play with dolls, and by disappearing from the school yard, driving off on a go-cart, of course only to be noticed a couple of blocks down the road by thoughtful adults, bringing her back to that same school yard, where the nuns made sure she knew she was a naughty child. Nevertheless she must have liked going there, because when she was suffering from Pfeiffer's disease, she was told she wouldn't be allowed to go to school the next day, if she didn't sleep in the afternoon, and this for almost an entire year.

Pfeiffer's disease plagued her once more, in secondary school, even though one is supposed to only be able to get it once, where she almost had to retake her 4th year, having missed a couple of months. She studied Latin and Greek, took the obligatory field trip to Italy, smoked marijuana in the pupil's basement, tried to fit in but failed miserably, called just about every teacher by first name, except for the few remaining priests and elderly teachers, played the recorder, even though she would have largely preferred the piano, tried ballet, gymnastics, football, karate, tennis and a couple of other sports, but not ice hockey because that really wasn't considered a sport for girls, played theatre, felt awkward about her blossoming femininity, underwent a breast reduction because her G-cup sized bosom caused a constant backache, lived through a rather dramatic divorce (her parents' divorce that is) of which she insisted to spare you the details, and took off abroad, a whole 40 kilometres from home mind you, to enter university.

Because it surely would be dangerous, a young girl alone in a big bad city, she spent the first year in Antwerp with yet other nuns, who rented rooms to lady students. Because it was such a hassle asking for a key every time she would return to the nunnery after 8 p.m., she duplicated the key, which never was discovered, even though the nuns came close at more than one occasion, one of those being that night when the police rang the bell at about 1 a.m., waking up the entire building, because they wanted to confirm it was her who had called about the smell of gas, and a smell of gas there was by the way, even though the Jewish man her friend and she asked for confirmation, looked as if he was about to strangle them, while all they did was save him and all the other inhabitants of that street from a possible explosion.

She studied economics, as a second choice, as her heart went out to literature, but some thought a girl doesn't need an education anyway, being an inferior creature, and others were afraid an education in literature would only prepare her for a life on the dole. After a couple of years however, she decided she really wouldn't like to pursue a career in the economic field, and quit, exchanging economics for journalism, information and communication, graduating cum laude and getting her first Bachelor's degree, specialising in intercultural communication. After that she considered her knowledge of sociology and anthropology to be inferior, went back to university, and got a Master's degree, graduating cum laude again, after having written a thesis on female genital mutilation, or, using a term with less negative connotations, female circumcision.

All this time she had been working at the same time, starting out as a babysitter for two cute but spoilt Japanese kids, whose father worked in the diamond trade, first as an employee, but later on starting his own company, in which she then did administrative work as well as sorting diamonds, and this for several years. After various temp jobs, she worked at the tourist office of the city of Antwerp for about a year, during Antoon Van Dijck's Year in 1999 (Anthony van Dyck, the painter). One of the temp jobs she did afterwards brought her to a company that developed software, where she was active in helpdesk support, consulting and services support and marketing support. Unfortunately there was a worldwide reorganisation and she found herself, like so many others, unemployed. She was fired the American way, being told one afternoon, after lunch, seeing her e-mail and network access closed down immediately, and being told she didn't have to come back the next day. Good thing she lived at walking distance from the office, and she didn't have a company car, or she would have had to arrange for a taxi in order to get home. Not the fact she was fired but the way in which she was, came as quite a shock, all the more because just one week before that particular day, she had a job evaluation conversation, where she was promised a raise and an interesting career plan, with more emphasis on tech aspects of her work.

As she was unable to find a satisfactory job, and didn't like living on unemployment benefits, she took an intensive course in network administration and basic web development and scripting during 10 months, only to find out, she still wasn't able to find a job, having to compete with young guys straight out of college or university, or system administrators with years and years of experience, even though she was invited for job interviews many a time, and didn't limit herself to finding a job in ICT. The excuses she heard varied from being too old for the labour market, not fitting the all male team, being overqualified, not having enough work experience in that particular field, surely not being able to speak French, being Dutch and all, and being too much of a generalist.

After more temporary and various jobs, participating in an exam for communications expert for a position at the city of Antwerp, she made it through several rounds but got a phone call one morning she didn't make it through the final round. That same afternoon however she got another phone call, asking her whether she would be interested in working for the city of Antwerp in another position, at the special unit Sham Marriages and Forced Marriages, where she now most of the time is interviewing couples wanting to get married, while at least one of them is not having the Belgian nationality or a permanent resident permit, in order to find out whether they want to get married for other reasons than to obtain such a permit. She is also trying to help victims of sham marriages, as well as victims of forced marriages, or people being afraid of being forced to marry.

In her spare time, she likes of course being online, being a member of numerous communities and luring people into following her to those communities, loving anything beta, defining herself as an e-schizophrenic, being an expert in dilly-dallying, being addicted to silly quizzes that are like psychology for the lazy, as well as information and news, being a master in starting new blogs that afterwards don't get enough of her attention, using the nom de plume Morgaine LeFaye, and occasionally publishing poetry and short stories. Offline she still likes reading, writing, going to the theatre, the opera, and a concert once in a while, buying shoes, having long conversations, either over the phone or face to face, and, since she moved from an apartment to a house, gardening, or so she thinks, as due to various reasons, she didn't have the occasion to spend hours gardening just yet.

She lives together with a redheaded Dutchman, who online goes by the unpronounceable name wchulseiee, and whom she met online, about 7 years ago. He was crazy enough to relocate to Antwerp, and is admirable for putting up with her complex and difficult personality. She defines herself as bisexual and polyamorous, with an interest in various fetishes and kinks, emphasising this doesn't mean she is a nymphomaniac, on the contrary, she has known several periods of being asexual.

She spends a lot of time thinking about relationships in general and hers in particular (with family, especially her mother, friends, partner and potential other partners/lovers, ...), the concept of polyamory and the consequences, living together or living alone, bdsm, fetishes, new encounters, the impression you made on her, work, a career change, poetry, the short stories she should write down, handwritten letters, the smell of memories, identity, which camera to buy, her qualities and character flaws, insomnia, how she ever is going to keep her mind quiet once in a while, her immediate future, synchronicity, which language to learn next, both her online and offline friends, her need to relate to people, her being distant and very not physical when feeling troubled and unhappy, the whimsicalities of life, how to break out of vicious circles, catch-22 situations, inconsistencies, how she is an aunt since the beginning of September, children, why there are days she craves attention, how Google is becoming the new Microsoft, and anything that catches her attention as she is rather curious by nature.

She still has a lot to learn in life, for instance how to sleep, how to find inner balance, how to accept herself for who she is, whomever that may be, as she still is trying to figure that out, how to worry less and enjoy more, how to be more optimistic and self secure, how to be more confident writing in English, as she still is feeling inferior for not having an expert knowledge of vocabulary and grammar, which prevents her from expressing nuances, even though she is being assured by several people there's nothing wrong with her English language skills and there aren't that many people that are polyglot.

Her latest addiction is Newsvine, which she loves and adores, all the while still hoping one day it will be less US (of A) centred, and more importantly, multilingual so she can be a proud ambassadress of Newsvine for the Dutch speaking population on earth.

Phew. Could you read that in one single breath?

(also try my 'Bio')

-- Homosexuals should be thrown off buildings or burnt to death, a Muslim cleric has proclaimed.

Yusuf Qaradawi described gay people as "perverts" who should be "punished," in an interview with Al Jazeera last week.

He said homosexuals should be treated the same as any other "sexual pervert."

"The schools of thought disagree about the punishment. Some say they should be punished like fornicators. Some say we should throw them from a high place, like God did with the people of Sodom. Some say we should burn them, and so on. There is disagreement," he said.

He called the debate over gay rights in the Arab world a "calamity."

London Mayor Ken Livingstone was criticised by gay groups in 2004 after inviting Mr Qaradawi, a vocal supporter of suicide bombers, to the city. --

-- A transsexual is considering legal action against Huddersfield Primary Care Trusts over waiting times for sex-change surgery.

Emma, 40, has been told she faces a two-year wait just to get an initial consultation at Leeds Gender Clinic.

Emma - who did not wish to reveal her surname - has already paid more than £2,000 to be assessed by private consultants in Sheffield.

She was referred to Sheffield by her GP in April 2003 and underwent six months of lengthy psychological tests.

A panel agreed she was a woman trapped in a man's body and should have treatment.

But Emma was told by Huddersfield Primary Care Trusts that she could not have funding for immediate treatment at Sheffield and could only be treated at Leeds Gender Clinic.

She must wait two years for an initial appointment there, then repeat the assessment process.

Emma said she is considering taking the PCT on in the courts.

She said: "I have no idea why they are reluctant. But I want to do something that will make it impossible for them to carry on like this."

Emma said she would have continued hormone treatment and surgery privately.

But her funds are running out and surgery costs between £7,000 and £15,000. --

-- It's a spring break morning, and by 11 a.m. at the Anderson home, chaos is erupting. School is out for the week, and the twin boys are throwing a ball inside the spacious, two-story house. Upstairs, the preteen daughter pretends not to hear her mother calling. Lauren Anderson, a tanned and well-dressed stay-at-home mom who seems incapable of sitting still, cajoles her offspring to behave as she waits for a babysitter to arrive.

Her youngest, Nicole, five, is frowning. Nicole's face is framed with delicate brown braids, and her fingernails are painted a rainbow of colors. She plans to go swimming with a friend at the community pool, but at the moment, she doesn't like the way her dress feels. She yanks the hot-pink halter-top over her head, telling her mother, "This is poking me. I want to change my dress."

Minutes later, she scampers back, now as naked as a jaybird except for her underwear. Without the dress, you can clearly see her penis, tucked carefully into her pink patterned panties.

Born a biological male whom the family named Nicholas, Nicole today dresses, acts, and lives like a girl. She's been insisting she's female since she could talk, say the Andersons, who asked that their real names not be used for this article. "He has always been attracted to the flowers, the bright colors, his Barbie dolls, and his beloved mermaids," Lauren says, using the male pronoun for her child. In fact, talking with Lauren, who fully supports Nicole's desire to live as a girl, it's clear that the family is still working out the grammar of how to refer to its youngest.

"As a young toddler, he wouldn't let me snap her onesies together because she wanted to wear a 'dwess' like his sister," Lauren says, mixing pronouns like he and her interchangeably. --

-- A man with a doctor's certificate saying he was psychologically female and had lived as a woman for at least two years would be able to adopt a female name and change his sex to female on identity papers.

Spanish transsexuals will be able to officially register a change of gender even without undergoing sex change surgery under a new law proposed by Spain's Socialist government.

"This will make life more dignified for thousands of people," Deputy Prime Minister María Teresa Fernández de la Vega told reporters on Friday.

The transsexual identity bill now has to be considered by parliament, which passed another law last year legalising gay marriage despite fierce opposition from the Catholic Church in what was once one of Europe's most conservative countries.

If approved, a man with a doctor's certificate saying he was psychologically female and had lived as a woman for at least two years would be able to adopt a female name and ask the authorities to change his sex to female on identity papers.

Similar laws already exist in Sweden, the Netherlands and Germany. --

-- A transsexual business executive says she was driven to the brink of suicide after she was "demoted" at work after changing sex to become a woman.

Jessica Bussert, 41, said yesterday that she came close to jumping in front of a train after she found herself doing administrative tasks for colleagues.

The data analyst is now claiming damages of £500,000 from Hitachi Data Systems for discrimination in an employment tribunal that could prove a test case for transsexuals.

The executive, who, as Joshua, had been used to working on multi-million pound contracts with huge IT clients, including the US Department of Defense, claims that she was made to book hotel rooms and arrange meals after she returned from surgery as a woman.

"I jokingly said that when I had my breasts done the company must have assumed that they used my frontal lobe as a filler. I seriously thought of suicide. I considered filling the flat with carbon monoxide.

"I stood on the platform at Ealing Broadway watching the express trains go by. It was so much more than the career: it was people trying to devalue you as a human being. It's like acid poured into your soul," she said. --

-- The permissive revolution has almost wiped out differences in sexual habits between men and women, according to a comprehensive study of sex lives over nearly 60 years.

The researchers argue that this has come about because women's sexual attitudes and experience have been transformed, while men's have hardly changed since the 1940s.

They find a near-quadrupling in the proportion of teenage women who are sexually active, while the age at which they lose their virginity has fallen by four years.

Guilt about sex has declined sharply, while attitudes to premarital sex have reversed since the 1940s — slightly more men than women now disapprove of a couple sleeping together before their wedding night.

Jean Twenge, associate professor in psychology at San Diego State University in California, who led the research, said: "In the 1950s and 1960s, men and women were a long way apart; now the gender differences have almost disappeared. The 1960s might have been called the 'sexual revolution', but they were just the beginning."

Although the research is American, Twenge said trends such as improving social equality for women and greater access to contraception meant the findings would also be relevant to Britain.

"The trends we are seeing are pretty common across all western countries, including the UK," said Twenge. "Many young people see these patterns as the long-overdue shedding of arbitrary restrictions on sexuality." --

-- 'I wanted it to be about my journey,' says 'Suzanne Portnoy' (nom de plume). 'I didn't want it to be just bonking.' Portnoy, an articulate vivacious London publicist in her mid-forties, has written an erotic memoir, The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker (Virgin books, £7.99) detailing her post-divorce sexual awakening after a 10-year marriage, the latter four of which she spent miserable, frustrated and celibate.

Did I say awakening? A more accurate term might be 'explosion'. Gritty and explicit, it joins the growing female 'erotic odyssey' genre sparked by Belle de jour (A Round Heeled Woman; The Bride Stripped Bare; The Sexual Life of Catherine M). Portnoy takes the reader on a no-holds-barred tour of swinging, saunas, group sex, fetish clubs, sex with strangers in the lunch hour, online hook-ups, and what she terms 'pleasure without commitment'.

'I'm the urban myth,' smiles Portnoy. 'I'm the woman men wish they could meet but don't believe exists.' --

-- She's one of the most famous heroines in English literature - up there with Jane Eyre and Elizabeth Bennet - and yet we don't even know her name. Although Daphne du Maurier's novel Rebecca was an immediate bestseller when it was published in 1938 - and was made into an Oscar-winning film two years later by Alfred Hitchcock - its narrator is curiously anonymous. Even when she marries the novel's rich widower Maxim de Winter, she simply becomes the second Mrs de Winter. The name we all remember - Rebecca - is that of de Winter's dead first wife, who haunts the novel and drives the heroine half mad with jealousy and fear.

Once dismissed as a Gothic romance, as "women's fiction", Rebecca is now regarded as the most extraordinary psychological thriller - tapping into our most primal fear of the rival: the woman who is more beautiful, more accomplished than ourselves. From Sylvia Plath's legacy to the second Mrs Ted Hughes, to Linda McCartney and Heather Mills, it is hard for a second wife to compete with the memory of the first.

Du Maurier, who was aware of Freud and Jung, has fashioned a strange, hallucinatory novel that exerts a powerful narrative grip. Full of surreal dream sequence and repressed sexuality, it does not flinch from portraying murder or suicide. The writer saw it as "rather grim", even "unpleasant", a study in jealousy with nothing of the "exquisite love story" her publisher claimed it to be.

And yet Rebecca is hugely popular. Woman's Hour voted it as one of the top five most romantic novels of all time. Since 1938 it has never been out of print. Its opening line ("Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again") is among the most famous in modern literature. There have been numerous film, stage and TV adaptations. Next month, the British Film Institute releases a new print of Hitchcock's film starring Joan Fontaine and Laurence Olivier. --

-- Over the last decade, gay-rights activists have pushed programs to support gay and lesbian students in public schools. Their success is striking:

More than 3,000 Gay-Straight Alliance clubs meet across the country. Nearly half a million students take a vow of silence one day each spring in an annual event to support gay rights. California may soon require textbooks to feature the contributions of gays and lesbians throughout history.

Critics, mostly on the religious right, view all this as promoting the "homosexual lifestyle." Unable to stop it, they have turned to a new strategy: demanding equal time for their view in public schools and on college campuses.

Conservative Christians and Jews have teamed up with men and women who call themselves "ex-gay" to lobby — and even sue — for the right to tell teenagers that they can "heal" themselves of unwanted same-sex attractions.

They argue that schools have an obligation to balance gay-pride themes with the message that gay and lesbian students can go straight through "reparative therapy." In this view, homosexuality is not a fixed or inborn trait but a symptom of emotional distress — a disorder that can be cured. --

-- Earlier this month the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) held a conference on sexually transmitted diseases. The conference was slated to include a panel discussion entitled "Are Abstinence-Only Until Marriage Programs a Threat to Public Health?" However, Indiana's Republican Congressman Mark Souder complained to the Health and Human Services Department about "the controversial nature of this session and its obvious anti-abstinence objective." Consequently, the title was changed to "Public Health Strategies of Abstinence Programs for Youth," and advocates of abstinence-only sex education replaced two members of the panel. It's troubling that a conservative Republican was able to wield so much influence over a federal agency at the expense of science.

A spokesman for Rep. Souder said he was concerned that the panel would promote nothing positive about abstinence-only education. Apparently, that was because one of the panelists was scheduled to address the evidence linking abstinence-only education and rising rates of sexually transmitted diseases. This panelist and another individual were removed from the panel and replaced by Dr. Patricia Sulak and another physician, both of whom are proponents of abstinence-only programs. Although the other panelists went through a peer-review screening process, neither of these individuals did. And while the other panelists had to pay their own way to attend, the CDC used taxpayer dollars to pay for both abstinence proponents.

Dr. Sulak is the director and author of a pseudo sex education program entitled "Worth the Wait." This program is used in grades six through high school in 31 school districts in Texas. According to a review of the program by the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, Worth the Wait relies on messages of fear, discourages contraception, and attempts to make students feel guilty rather than educating them. --

-- A candlelit vigil was held for victims of homophobia as part of an international day of protest against the practice.

It was the second part of a two-part event which began at Walthamstow Town Hall and moved on to Theatre Square in Stratford.

The rally in Walthamstow last Wednesday marked the launch of a youth awareness campaign run by East London Out Project (ELOP) to mark the International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO). --

-- Around 80 countries in the world still crimianlise homosexuality and imprison those caught practicing same-sex acts. Gay people in Afghanistan, Iran, Mauritania, Nigeria, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Sudan and the United Arab Emirates and Yemen face the death penalty if caught. --

-- Nobody doubts that our culture influences our sexuality and sexual expression. Germany seems to be a hotbed of pantyhose fetish Web sites, Japan has raised the schoolgirl uniform to high art, and male parliamentarians getting spanked can sometimes seem as British as high tea at Harrods.

But our cultural influences are not always good for us. That's part of the "moral values" debate we've been having in this country for 20 years or so. The question is, what can we do to keep the culture from harming us? How can we resist the worst bits of it, and embrace the best? --

-- Tired of playing second fiddle to men in conservative Saudi Arabia, five women decided if you can't beat them, join them.

Al Watan newspaper said the five women underwent sex change surgery abroad over the past 12 months after they developed a "psychological complex" due to male domination. --

-- Courses that examine pornography can be risqué, but they are an increasingly common addition to university curriculums in the U.S.

"Many students appear to be shocked," said Ellis Hanson, a professor of English at Cornell.

"But I gather they don't mind being shocked."

Among other features, Hanson screens the porn classic Deep Throat and Paris Hilton's homemade sex tape for students in his course, "Desire."

"I would not want to have a discussion of pornography in the abstract," Hanson says.

"And it works very well with Plato on the syllabus."

Hanson assigns a range of written and visual items dealing with sexuality, including nude illustrations for Aristophanes' play Lysistrata and Oscar Wilde's play Salome and modern materials like Robert Mapplethorpe's photographs of men clad in leather.

When Hanson teaches The Balcony, a Jean Genet play with elements of fetishism and sado-masochism, he dresses the part. "Leather fetish gear seems more appropriate than the conventional jacket and tie or baggy sweater favored by most of my colleagues," he explains.

Hanson's course has an enrollment of about 200.

Not surprisingly, it's one of the most popular offerings in the English department. --

-- Feminist sex worker rights advocate Audacia Ray is part of a burgeoning movement of young women (and some men) looking to reclaim words like hooker, prostitute, and whore that were formerly used as epithets. She proudly takes off her clothes to reveal her ringlets of brown hair, glasses . . . and often not much else. But this naked girl uses her brain as much as her bod, whether it's working as Executive Editor of $pread magazine, reviewing porn sites for Sugarclick.com, getting her master's degree, or blogging at WakingVixen.com. She's also modeled—nude, in mud, in boxing gloves, in paint and on the New York City subway—for a host of alt porn sites, earning her the ranking of Fleshbot's #3 Hottie of the Year for 2005.

On top of her already full plate, she's curating an exhibit of sex worker art debuting this Wednesday called Sex Worker Visions, helping to organize the conference Sex Work Matters: Beyond Divides, and booking local sex bloggers for next week's Perverts Saloon. The silicone-free model, writer, organizer and activist emailed Gothamist about studying sexuality in Amsterdam, why she loves getting naked for her favorite photographers, running a magazine, being taken seriously as a sex worker and academic, and what makes for good porn. --

-- Ogling breasts isn't just for straight men and lesbians anymore. Moving beyond traditional labels, gay men and straight women are outing themselves as "boobiesexuals." The term was coined by podcaster Cunning Minx (polyweekly.libsyn.com) to stand for "women who are mostly straight but who are really, really into women's breasts." I've expanded it to include gay men. This new breed is committed to their sexual orientation, but acknowledges that, like the horniest of frat boys or Hooters customers, they're turned on by tits. --

[...]

-- Boobiesexuals mess with our strictly defined norms. What does it mean to be aroused by a woman, or at least her tits, but not want to have sex with her? They counter our very simplistic ideas about lust—if you're into me, you must want to @!$%# me—when true desire is more complex. Minx, who's in an open relationship, believes that kinky and polyamorous people are open to nuanced views of eroticism. "Sexual labels are convenient; it's much easier to say, 'I'm bisexual' than to say, 'I'm mostly straight and really into cocks, but I've been with a woman once or twice and can take or leave it, except for the breasts, which I grope at every opportunity . . . and it's entirely possible that I simply haven't met the right woman,' " she explains. --

-- Here, quite succinctly and bluntly, the author succeeded in equating masculine to "normal," suggesting of course that if you are a man who doesn't live up to his standard of masculine, you are not normal.

It hit me that this is exactly what our enemies in the heterosexual world have long done to us, as a way to stereotype us, humiliate us, put us down and demean us. As a way to make us less equal.

Now, they don't need to anymore. Looks like we're doing a plenty good job of doing it to ourselves.

I UNDERSTAND THE attraction of a manly man. I run around in the bear and leather crowds, two sub groups famous in the gay world for their almost fetish-like worship of masculine imagery.

I have had a beard since I was 19, and I go to the gym and aim for the bulging biceps look like so many other gay men. When I go out, I am more likely to wear Wrangler's than Ralph Lauren. You're not going to see me in anything that is frilly or shiny or gold lame.

If I see a guy I like, and I get up the courage to say hello, I'm sure my voice drops half an octave. In the world of machismo, I can "pass."

But it wasn't always like that for me. When I was a school kid growing up in central Pennsylvania, I was the classic sissy. I played violin. And clarinet. And piano.

I was book smart. I even liked reading and math and history. I sucked at sports. In gym class, I was always the last one to be picked for a team.

The only activities I was good at on the playground during recess were jump rope and dodge ball. The girl games.

My older sister frequently used to have to protect me from bullies on the playground. Even girls would beat me up. The reason I got picked on, of course, was that I was different.

I was softer and gentler. I didn't exemplify the standard notion of what it meant to be a boy. And that obviously scared and threatened the other kids, who were already so well indoctrinated by society even at such an early age.

So their reaction was to lash out and beat me up.

I thought about my playground days as I stood there at a Gay Pride event and watched the group of burly "butch" men pick on the "nelly queen." It occurred to me the situation wasn't so different from my schoolyard days.--

-- Foretold in myth and legend as the year of the gay cowboy, 2006 actually looks sure to be the year of the faux-lesbian, writes Kira Cochrane. --

[...]

-- All of which would be great, positive and progressive, if these images had anything to do with real lesbian lifestyles and real gay women. Unfortunately they represent nothing of the sort. So I guess that I should clarify my terms: 2006 looks sure to be the year of the faux-lesbian.

Rather than representing lesbianism in any essential sense, what these images actually seek is to co-opt it, to contain and commercialise a preference that can, by its very nature, be alienating, even threatening, to heterosexual men. --